Simplifying the Mommy To Do List
Hey Mama! You are an intelligent, capable, strong woman who just created an entire human from scratch. Holy cow! That is a seriously humongous engineering feat. I mean, they have been repaving I-24 for years now and it is just a road. You made a complete person in just nine months! Of course, you are tired. Your brain and body are still recovering. It is okay that you can't remember anything right now. You will not be foggy forever. Your brain will come back when you start getting some sleep. I promise. Granted, your kids will still think you are really dumb when they are teenagers, but by the time they have kids of their own, you will be a freakin' genius!
In the meantime, here are some tricks to help defeat New Mommy Brain.
Just say no!
Sadly, we live in a culture that says women have to do everything all the time. You are expected to be Wonder Woman, Julia Child, and a CEO while keeping a perfect home, writing a book, having the body of an athletic twenty-year-old, saving the planet, and creating world peace. When did that lie get started? Women are completely capable of doing every single thing there is. You just don't have to do all the things at the same time. That's just silly. Who has time for that?
It is perfectly okay to just empty your To Do List of everything except you and the baby. Truly, that is your one job right now. You made that sweet baby. Now you get to keep the baby alive and THAT is a full-time job. These first few months especially should be focused on you and the new tiny person. Take it easy on yourself!
Say no to anything that isn't directly related to your health and the baby's care. Even if you think you can handle it (I'm looking at you, the mama who thinks she is the only one who can do things the right way!), take at least a month to focus on this new world you are living in. Your partner can keep the house in shape. It is okay if they don't do it perfectly. Ditch the plants. Have your partner care for pets. Turn off the work phone and email. Projects and plans can be postponed for a little while. Allow your body and mind to heal.
Don't answer your phone. I know we are programmed to do everything the phone tells us to do, but you really, truly can put it down. Tell people to text you. Or let it roll to voice mail (although I am bad about checking voicemail and I bet you are too). Honestly, the phone is there to be a convenience for you. Step away from the phone!
The exception to that rule is to program that sucker with as many shortcuts as possible. Or use a voice activated service like Alexa or Amazon Echo. When you are sitting with a sleeping baby and can't reach anything but your phone, you will be grateful to not have to move. So while we don't want the phone ringing or buzzing, we do want the phone to work for us.
Utilize your friends. Now is not the time to be shy. People love you and want to help you. You just have to speak up with specific needs. Everyone is going to want to come by and hold the baby. That is not what you need. You need someone to come do the dishes. Or the laundry. Or pickup groceries or whatever. It is perfectly valid to tell visitors no. But it is also valid to say "I need help with X. Would you be able to do that chore for me?" Keep a chore list handy so that when people offer, you aren't mentally fumbling around.
Look, for some reason we have decided that women can pop a small human out and then instantly be able to do all the things. For most of humanity, a mother birthed a child and then was told to spend the first 40 days doing nothing but caring for the baby and herself. Her mom and aunties and other women in the community swooped in and took care of everything else so that the new mom had time to heal. Let's get back to that. You do not have to do all the things. Asking for help does not mean that you are weak. It means that you are prioritizing your health and the baby's needs.
Don't have family or friends nearby? Do you know about postpartum doulas? They are magic. A post partum doula is a very capable woman who comes to your house to help you do all the things. Along the way, they will teach you how to care for yourself and your new baby during this new phase of life. Every doula I have ever met has been imminiently capable and someone I would want on my side during the Zombie Apocalypse. Even if you hired one for just a couple of visits, your life would be easier. Email me if you need recommendations for the greater middle Tennessee areas. I would be happy to pass along information.
Know that some days nothing will get done. This is perfectly normal and does not mean that you are a terrible mom. Babies are hard work! Some days they sleep and you can do all the things. Other days they are cluster feeding and you will hold them all day long. No matter what your Instagram feed might tell you, some days are just hard.
If you are a list maker, use a dry erase marker to make a list on your bathroom mirror of all the things you need to do. This list can include things like "Take a shower" and "Take a nap". In fact, your list should definitely include those two things. First thing in the morning, circle the most vital things you need to accomplish that day. Again, "Keep baby alive" 100% can be all you check off for the day. This is not a race. There are no medals for being an IG influencer. All you have to do is keep yourself and your child happy and healthy. The rest will wait.
You've got this, mama. You are doing a good job. All will be well.
BONUS ROUND-
Poop happens. A lot. Make your life easier by putting changing stations in every room. Keeping these stocked is actually a great job for dad. Fill a basket with several diapers, a pack of wipes and a few small garbage bags. You could even use disposable pooper scooper bags. A towel works great as a serviceable and washable changing pad. When the big blowouts happen, you can toss the dirty one in the washer and start fresh with a clean towel. If you want to be uber organized and you have stacks of baby jammies, try leaving an outfit in each basket too. You know those massive, up the back, diaper explosions are coming. Good luck. May the laundry fairies ever be on your side.
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